I Married my Best Friend

My wife has been super supportive since I told her I wanted to upload one video every week to my Youtube channel. She knows how much time it takes to film and edit alongside my full time job and a 9 month old child at home but She is seriously the best.

Last night I got home from work at 4:00pm and proceeded to edit my video from more than 5 hours. I only stopped to help with the baby, eat dinner, and put the baby to bed (I’m trying to do my part) but my wife with a baby in hand made homemade hamburgers from scratch, both the patties and the buns. Served them in front of an episode of Community (one of my top 5 favorite shows), and then let me go back to editing.

She then went and made chocolate chip brownies (also from scratch) and sat down beside me at our extra wide desk for the both of us. Looking over my shoulder she expressed how much she loved my videos, quietly put Falling in Reverse (one of my top 5 favorite bands) on shuffle, and opened up my laptop. Sitting beside me she played some League of Legends (one of my top 5 favorite video games).

I finished my video and ate a brownie while it exported and watched my wife finish her last game of the evening. She was eager to watch my newest vlog the moment it was done, and claims it’s my best one yet. I had her help me pick the thumbnail.

It’s days like yesterday that don’t have photos taken, or vlogs made, but they’re sometimes the one’s I cherish most. So I’m writing this to remember.

You can read my blog posts from 3 years ago. I never dreamed I’d be where I am today, and I couldn’t be happier.

Seriously CJ, I love you so much.

Contentment is Learned

Life is as good as you make it.

But those who have it better than us fake it.

Because, good is a matter of perspective.

My life and yours are not respective.

Life is a series of decisions.

But most of us have different visions.

Because choices change by the seasons,

My life and yours are for different reasons.

So don’t get your hopes up, but keep contentment ready.

So when someone cuts your ropes up, your mast can hang in steady.

We’re all just lost at sea, where some of us float better than the rest.

But learning to swim is free, so kick your feet and paddle your best.

I Can’t

If I can’t write you something deep and show you what is right,

How am I to be there when you fall?

If I can’t speak a work, and keep you up at night,

Should I be writing you at all?

 

I want to blow your mind.

Or somehow slow down time.

Point a pen in your direction and make you think your brain is mine.

 

 But I can’t.

 

 I’m missing that spark, that pop star flare.

That light in the dark to make you stare.

I’m just me.

 

I’ll never have the look, that award show given face.

Like a plot hole in a book I’m out of place.

I’m just me.

 

And I can’t.

 

I want to write a page of history,

Be a chapter all alone.

Your favorite part of this story,

Bring in ratings on my own.

 

But I won’t.

Because you don’t know who I am.

 

I’m just me.

 

And I can’t.

The Dishonest Truth

Of all that I have struggled with in my life, honesty has never been an issue. Not that I do not lie. Not that I have not stretched the truth. But lying is something I avoid. I am good at it, but it is entirely unnecessary. I quit lying when i graduated high school and no longer had to answer; “not really” when asked, by my mother, if I had any homework. Nowhere in my life does lying ever suit. My home, my work, my friends. I am brutally honest almost to a fault. And it comes naturally.

Lying to me just doesn’t make much sense.

I have witnessed a lot of falsehoods. A lot of fibs. I know of too many occasions when someone stretched the truth to the point where their lie was no longer even plausible. And I can only think:

“How did you even get to this point? At what point was this story of yours at all easier?”

My conscience eats me alive when I intentionally change the truth. Its the same feeling i would get tracking mud into the house, as a kid. Like, Mom will eventually find this.. and i’m going to regret smearing dirt across the carpet, as soon as she realizes i did.

Lying is the same. Its sometimes feels easier than facing direct repercussions. But in the long run it is worth it, to avoid that inner feeling. The dread of: I just misled this person, on purpose.

Knowing that feeling within myself exists, I can only look on in wonder at those who live it constantly. What makes them Lie, So fluidly?..

I rolled it over in my mind today. Of all the chronic liars i have encountered in my life, and those I am still acquainted with today.. What in their subconscious allows such dishonesty?

At face value, my mind tells me to cast them out as untrustworthy people. They stretch the truth, you can’t believe what they say, avoid them.

Often times, that is all that works.

If i’m being honest, remaining around those dishonest, often changes my own perception of a situation. People turn on each other in search of the truth. Friends and enemies will fight to defend reputations. Until, eventually everyone is shredding the truth apart, in attempt to find one piece of evidence, that they themselves are not clinically insane. Or at least that’s how it always seems.

If i dig a little deeper, give them the benefit of the doubt, really evaluate a situation.. there may be a much deeper issue. Something beyond just: they like avoiding the truth. 

Chew on this:

If a dishonest person lies to themselves,

when they speak, are they lying to your face?

Or are they simply relaying the message

that they convinced themselves of earlier..?

Dishonesty starts at the core. I believe the chronic liar is just as dishonest with themselves, as they are with everyone around them. Imagine how easy it must be, to Lie, when in your own mind you are telling people exactly what you had been told, before – by yourself.

Decide within yourself, exactly how any given circumstance should be. Explain to yourself why it should be that way. And convince your heart, that your mind is speaking the truth.

In reality, the truth was misplaced. The truth was set aside, never to be found again.

In reality, you have lied to yourself. The truth is left for those around you to find.

There is not once person I can refer to. For I know of more than just one person. I still know of no good way to approach these kinds of people.

Slowly.

In the end, you still cannot trust what a person says, when they continue to lie to themselves.

However.

Rather than label them liars. Rather than plastering the word; False, on their forehead..

Gently, we need to give these people the chance.. to decipher the truth.

Honesty, in every fashion, may be the only way to do so.